Letter 122: The Coalition's in a Pickle on Defra cuts and floods

"Dear Dave and Nick,

Gosh, what a Pickle! Last week Somerset, today the Thames Valley. Listening to Eric on The Andrew Marr Show yesterday, I couldn't help wondering if your Minister's keenness to use UK flooding as a political football might result in an own goal. Sure enough, Lord Smith's robust response to Eric's finger pointing led us right back to your Chancellor's decisions to make cut backs: 

"When I hear someone criticising the expertise and the professionalism of my staff in the Environment Agency who know more about flood risk management - a hundred times more about flood risk management than any politician ever does - I'm afraid that I'm not going to sit idly by. The Environment Agency is bound by the rules that are laid down by Government. So when someone says that they followed the advice of the Environment Agency, what they were actually doing was following the Treasury rules which are laid down which say how much we can spend and how much we can't spend on any individual flood defence scheme."

And it struck me; water levels, child poverty, homelessness, food bank dependency, all rising under your Coalition government, all impacted very badly by austerity measures. Now you're living with the impact of cutting DEFRA's budget, surely you see that you're also storing up Big trouble for Society with your other cost cutting, short-term policies?

Yours, etc"

For further advice: http://www.environment-agency.gov.uk/homeandleisure/floods/

(Thanks to @THemingford for his help)

Letter 121: The GE countdown continues; Osborne on NMW, banker bonuses & peanuts

Dear Dave
Gosh it really IS election time isn't it? Last week, LibDems were grumbling because you seemed keen to nick their ideas on fairness. Sneaky. Then today just as Ed Miliband was spellchecking tomorrow's major speech on the Economy, George Osborne rushed in to announce that your Party would back a proposal to increase in the National Minimum Wage from £6.31 to perhaps, maybe, or even possibly, £7 by October 2015.

Well, whoop-de-woo. Though George may think he's stolen everyone's thunder, it's not enough. Far from it. How generous is he really being, when the NMW has been cut by 5% in real terms since 2010 and besides, you'll end up getting a fair bit of that money back into Treasury coffers since, once the NMW goes up, benefits for the working poor go down?

As your Chancellor works hard to show who's side he's on, here's a sobering thought: in April 2013, a minimum wage earner would need to work 380 hours a week to match the annual salary of a top earner on the 99th percentile. I doubt 69p extra an hour is going to shave many hours off that figure, nor distract too many of us from bonus season and tax avoidance.

Letter 120: Combover Cronyism, because David Cameron's worth it

"Dear Dave,

Several years ago, my mother-in- law received an MBE for services to counselling. It was generally agreed that, for her commitment to people struggling with PTSD, she richly deserved recognition. I asked her what she thought of your barber receiving the same award for services to (your?) hairdressing... But after reading that a number of senior Conservatives and party supporters were also recognised in the New Years Honours List, maybe instead I should have asked the people delivering your takeaway. I bet they're gutted that they weren't remembered too.

With best wishes, etc"

Letter 119: God bless the EU for offering the Coalition help clearing up the deprivation that it's causing.

"Dear Dave AND Nick,
I read this evening that you've rejected access to a £2.5billion European Union fund to subsidise that Coalition policy success story - the rapid escalation of the foodbank. Why refuse help? Anti EU ideology, or something a little more difficult to admit? Hey - you're embarrassed! Surely not? You're right, it's ridiculous that wealthy old UK is being offered European Aid to the Most Deprived.  It's the State, instructed by the Government of the day, that should be looking after it's people.... Unless of course that Government's ideological plans to reduce the Benefits safety net are so harsh, that alarming numbers in the UK now find themselves in deprivation and our european neighbours have started to notice. 
Gosh, how shameful. Someone's called the social worker in on the middle class family, and rightly so. 
Yours, etc
P.S. Nick,
If you want people to think you're not tainted by all this unpleasantness, ask Danny Alexander to forgo any future photo ops opening new foodbanks. Especially when he's claimed over £8500 of taxpayer's money between 2011 and 2013 for his own children's travel.

Letter 118: The Tory led Coalition bring Dickens to life with fuel & food poverty at an alarming high

"Ff's sake! As in fuel and food that is. It would appear that the UK is starting to live Dickens as well as watch it at Christmas. Zero hours, the bedroom tax, falling wages, increased personal debt and for the first time since the Second World War, the British Red Cross launches a campaign asking for food donations for the UK needy. We are the only G8 country where the Red Cross is providing emergency food aid in 2013. Are you as alarmed as the voters and charities yet? You're probably still holding onto the idea of an economic recovery that as Ken Clarke noted, nearly all of us have yet to experience. It's hard to see what people struggling to make ends meet should focus on; having £50 back from the Big 6 or the fact that £50 is still less than half of the increase imposed last month.
It doesn't quite add up does it? A country as affluent as ours where there's an estimated 5 million Britons living in extreme poverty while the City enjoys a boom in pay and bonuses. A measly £50 per year off fuel bills for us and £6000 for some MPs heating expenses while energy companies get to keep their profits. And a Prime Minister at the Lord Mayor's Banquet, having tucked into a champagne reception, starter, fish course, fillet of beef (all with accompanying wine), dessert, coffee and a choice of dessert wine, port, brandy or whisky then stands up to tell people: "We need to do more with less. Not just now, but permanently" Tell me, who actually is the "we" in all this?

 Yours, writing with the heating off,"

Letter 117: By erasing their pre-election pledges from the internet the Tories undermine democracy

Dear Dave,

Sorry not to have been in touch recently... I've been in the library! The British Library. SO much to see, you really ought to visit. I've always thought it was an amazing place, but now that I've learned they've archived so many of those speeches that the Conservative Party have attempted to delete, it's my favourite destination. I might even spend my next holiday there, looking at pre-election pledges and celebrating democracy, transparency, accountability and people power. Isn't it reassuring that even when your Party doesn't back your promise to be the "most transparent government ever"or your intention to "fix broken politics", the British Library is there, working hard to make sure we don't live in a Brave New World?

Letter 116: So David Cameron's a feminist now? It's just a token of his General Election affectation

"Dear Dave, 
Thank you for your reply to my letter on Joan's half million. Apologies for not yet replying, but I've been taking my time to think over your letter. And then today, just as I was about to put pen to paper, I heard the good news. All I can say is HURRAH! You're a feminist now? How does this manifest? Let me count the ways...
Cuts to Legal Aid... cuts to Working Tax Credit and SureStart... changes to Child Benefit... the scrapping of your equality duty ... cuts to the Public Sector and now cuts to Housing Benefits for under 25s on top of the trebling of tuition fees. Did you realise that 44% of under 25 Housing Benefit recipients are single mums? 
Hold on...I'm not sure I like your kind of feminism. Frankly, it lacks integrity and feels a bit... unequal. You know, it might be worth computing that, as dogs aren't just for Christmas, neither is feminism just for party political conferences and General Elections.
Yours, etc"